Using Dreams

Have you ever had a dream so real you couldn’t tell the difference, and it would linger in your day way longer than any other dreams? Maybe even weeks or months, heck years!

That happens to me when I have dreams of drinking again.

They are called using dreams. It’s a dream where you’re using your drug of choice, otherwise known as (DOC), even though your clean and sober. It’s a very scary thing. Especially when your DOC has wreaked complete havoc on your life, mentally and physically. The dreams are so real you can’t tell the difference and you literally wake up in what feels like a full-blown relapse! I’ve had a few.

There’s this point it seems, just before you wake up, where you begin to realize it’s a dream. You cross over to the idea it’s a dream, but you’re still not sure. And when you finally wake up your full of tremendous mixed emotions. So thankful it was just a dream, yet full of guilt that you’ve just relapsed. It was so stinkin real! Then you start down this road of reliving the dream, the feeling of the dream, the mystery of it and it also takes you back to your real dream. The one that really got you here. The torment you went through and never want to go back to. The insanity that comes with being addicted to drugs and alcohol that most people don’t or can’t understand unless they’ve been through it themselves. That dream changes the course of your day before you ever wake up.

Here I am writing about it! I was gonna write the dream and what I remember but it has turned into what the dreams are like for me. What they mean and the effect they have on me without even telling the content of it. I may still share the actual dream.

It’s not going anywhere anytime soon!